sorry

I wanted to stop by and say sorry my next post on respect has not made it. Bee was in a car wreak this week and has stopped my writing. Bee is fine and my next post will be up by wed.

Part one of RESPECT

Over the next few weeks I and going to be doing a mini series on Respect.  Respect can mean so many things.  I am going to take each letter of the word respect and putt meaning to it that falls in a dd life and how each word means respect its self.

 

Reverence

E?

S?

P?

E?

C?

T?

To me the letter R in respect stands for Reverence. In dd the amount of love you have for one another is over the top. There are not words to explain to someone how it feels.  Reverence a profound feeling of love.  I know I loved bee from day one but nine years later I have found reverence. A love I did nit know was there till dd.

 

With each day my love and respect for Bee grows more and more. Having respect has helped me with my temper, my month, and my self esteem.

 

My Temper is no more. I have more self control and Bee is there to back me up. Well ben me over if need be (ha ha). He helps more with stuff and that also helps with my temper.

 

My mouth is way better. I used to say what I wanted when I waned and it did not matter who was there or where I was. This also included Bee. I hate him a lot because of this and tore us apart. Now I think before I act cause I have respect.

 

My self esteem is higher cause of the deep love I get from Bee.  It has allowed me to make new friends and help them and it has allowed me to see I am pretty in side and out just like a butterfly.  I am even returning back to school. Not done that in ten years cause did not think I could. Did not think is was smart enough. Now I know I can do it.

 

 

SO R in stands for Reverence a deep profound love to me.

What dose R stand for to u?



I am still here

First I want to say I am sorry I have been gone for so long. I have been super crazy busy. I have been living at my mil house most nights taking care of our friend with cancer.  I just want to drop in and let my reader know how thankful I am to have you all and that I had not ran off and left you all.  I am going to be doing a series of blogs that will go hand in hand together over the next few weeks.  Now the blogs are going to ask for you help and I would love to see what you all think.  The first will be up by Sat Nov 23, 2013. And one each sat after till I am done. plz keep a look out for these.  I once again want to thank you for your time and your reading of my blog



Spanktoberfest

Spanktoberfest

Since this is the month of Oktoberfest, some friends have come up with a new spanking version of Oktoberfest. They are calling it Spanktoberfest.

The way to play the game is that the Hoh has to spank his or her Tih at least once a day until the end of the month.

You're invited to post your achievement, then drop Bob a line at bobhoh9@gmail.com and tell him how many spankings you've gotten.

He will post the stats once a week until the end of the month. 

My husband's game, so I'm in. Let the festivities begin!

School Time

Well as some of you know I have decide to go back to school. For those who do not know I am going back for get this...

I am going to be a marriage counselor.

 

I took the first step in this walk of life this past Monday.  I am working on getting all the red tape broke though.  I was in school once and had a lot of thing hit me at once and I just stop going. I know the worse thing I could have ever done now I have to fight to get back in school.  I will be writing an apples letter to do this.  I have been thinking for a few days about this letter. I has brought up a lot of feelings I thought I had dealt with but I guess I have not.

The reason I am blogging about this is cause dd has helped me find what I want to do and given me the strength to go for it.  It has done this by showing me I am a real person I can make improvements to my life.

 

Any ways I was kinda looking for a sign the other if this is what I should do with my life.  While I was sitting and thinking I was looking up picture for my blog and I came across this one that I will share in just a min, but it was my sign no doubt about it.

 

so here is my sign

 

I know it is hard to see but on the wall it says marriage counselor

 



Bee and his names

So while laying in bed the other night bee looks and me and says I have named our implements.  I turn to me and give him this what the hell look and start laughing.  Bee can be so funny and that is one of the reason I want this man as mine for the rest of my life. So, after I stopped laughing I look at him and said "oh really care to share"?  This is what I got told.

 

 

 

Woody

 

 

Sassy

 

octopus

 

 

Love

 

Now I have very different names for these.  Bee can be very creative. I asked him why the names and he said this way if we are out and I miss behave then all he say to do is say the implements' name and I know what he means lol. Got to love HOHs

 



Oh how i wish...

She is standing in the kitchen when he get home from work. He walks in and she gives him a kiss and asked how his day was as she starts to get his dinner on the table.  He knows her routine and wait for her get go to the cabinet to get his plate out.  When she dose this he walks up behind her closes the door to the cabinet and pushes her up against it with his body while taking her hands and placing them above her head.  He leans in a whisper in her ear in the most firm tone she has ever heard come out of his month "do not move those hands young lady or you will pay with your ass".  She melts instantly. All she wants to do is turn around and grab a hold of him and give he the deepest kiss she every has.  She also is wanting to know were this is going so she dose not move.  He starts running his hands up and down her body stop at the places he know she loves being touched.  He pay close attention to her breast. The then moves down to her bottom.  Out of now were he lays a nice firm swat on that bottom. She gulps and tries not to move. It feels so nice and she is feeling so submissive.  He lays a few more swats down just enough to have her begging for more and enough to her know just who is in control.

He then out of no where spins her around and pins her once again up against the cabinet looks straight in to her eyes and tell her she will give him complete submissive no questions asked.  I puts he lips to her ear and says" you will not talk unless told to.  You will not move not matter what. You will answer me with sir before and after your answers do you understand me"? she simply replays yes already forgetting sir. He looks at her with a look that make her want to fall to her knees but she stays still. He turns her around and give her three hard swats. "What did you forget to say young lady". She answer "sir I forgot to say sir sir". He give her a smile and says "that is my good girl." He takes her in to his arms and hugs her so tight and kisses her so deeper. "Are you ready to be dominated" he said?  She gives him a little smile and looking in to his eyes she simply nods her head yes and looks to the ground.
He tells her to his food and a cold drink.  She turns smiling to herself knowing he finally knows what she wants.  She gets his food and take it to him still buzzing from what happened.  She runs along finishing the last of the nightly chores when she hears that voice the makes her quake inside.  She at once is standing in from of him looking down standing quietly and waiting.  With out saying a word just reaches out and lifts her chin with his finger and says "chin level with the floor understood"?
She says "sir yes sir".  He takes her by the hand and walks her to the wall places her hands out to each side and slightly above her head.  He kisses her from her temple down to her ear on to her neck and says "I  just love that ass". He lets her have it one swat after another. She starts letting little sounds remembering the rules she  trying to stay out of trouble  so she bits her lip.
He stop and say "do not move". He leaves the room she is so tempted to move cause her are arms are starting to hurt but she wants to gave him her full submissive so she stands still.  she hear him come back in to the room and the next thing she feels to the cold hard wood of the paddle aka.  She let out a small yell and he just giggles.  He lands a for more but fore he hand cuffs her.  He then leads her over to his chair and makes her kneel in front of him. She looks up at him and he asks who is my submissive butterfly and all she dose in a very quite voice she answers "sir me sir". He tells her to raise. He helps her up and leads her to the bed room. 
Once in the bed room he strips her down and cuffs her stands with her ass out to the closet.  He asking are you ready to push the line. Before she could answer she feels the sting of the flogger across her ass she digs her nails in the closet and he keeps going all up and down her bottom,  her back, and her legs. Just little strings here and there but she can not take it any more and starts begging he gets a little harder she starts dancing around and asking for more. He then takes her to the bed and the rest is history.  


I just love stories like this oh wait it is not a story.
THIS IS MY LIFE.

This is what I had done to me on the night that the dom switch turned on in my bee.


On High

Well life is great at the times being.  The little things are back. The control I am wanting is there. The love in each other eyes is deeper than ever.  We have a great time last night. We went out dancing and spent a great night with some of our friends.  With that being said the road that we are about to walk down is really going to test us for sure.  A friend of ours more like family is needs us now more than ever. His mom has been fighting breast cancer for two years now and all was going great till last week.  They have now found four brain tumors. One is the size of a golf ball. They are going in this week to remove it. He has ask us to be there with him.  I helped raise the man when we was just a little kid.  It is hard for me to sit and watch him go though this.  I know there is not much I can do but be there for him and have open arms when needed. I love this man like he was my brother and I would do any thing for him. 

 The reason I say this is a road that is going to be testing us is cause feeling are going to be running high. Bee has to work a lot this week and travel so long days.  I just hope and pray that the love and dominance I get in between will keep me in line.  Bee is closer to this friend than me and like I said I helped raise him so that should tell you how close bee and him are.  So bee is going to be off and not on his game and I have to try to remember this. 

 

So for now I am enjoying the high in our life and getting ready for the low.  I know that it will come but at the same time what goes up must come down they say. I believe what goes down must come up.

 

So for my readers that pray plz send some our way this week we are going to need them and I will try to keep you posted.  I know this blog is about dd in our life but I have came to realize that dd is our life not part of it so everything is that happens is subject for my blog. 

New Spanking Questions

Kenzie up a post with some spanking questions for bloggers. I thought it would be fun to answer. Please copy and paste to your with answers of your own!

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

I am not sure how spanking got started with me but it was when I was a teenager


2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

I call him sir when in trouble or showing submission, and bee or baby any other time

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

Butterfly when he wants my submission and angel any other time. He calls my name when in big trouble. 
4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

 

The spoon hate that thing so much.

 

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

 

A complete dominated good girl spanking

 

 

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

Were is my butterfly

 

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)

 

Any thing leather

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

Take it show and talk never stop talking.

 

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

 

on the side of the back gravel road

 

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?

 

nipple clamps or the silver balls (thank 50 shades lol)

 

 11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

 

Bedroom time

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

 

How hard it would be to follow instead of leading

 

 

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

 

Leaving my hair down for bed

 

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

 

 

A discipline cause I would be lost if I did something wrong and was not able to clear the slate.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

I could not do that. It would miss with my mind way to much and besides the quilt a hoh carries is what help keep them in line.

 16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

This one is hard for me I love making love after a punishment cause we feel so close but having bee run his hand though my hair is a sign for me it is all over and ok.

 17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

I brought it to bee cause we needed something  to save our marriage.

 18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

The hated spoon

 19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

No but I do have a fav pair of shorts because they are so thin that it is like being bare but I am covered so that the spanking dose not become sexual til after the punishment is done.

 20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

 

 

For me it would have to be I would love for him to know when I needed the little things that say I got you.

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*

 

I could not choose. The cuffs can have so many different usages good or bad and the paddle speaks for it self. (oh thanks by thee jg that is the picture I was going to use lol)

 

 

 

The Little Things

It my last post I told you all I found what is missing.  It is what I call the little things. To me the little likes are just as important as the big things.  The little things remind us of the love and happiness. The understanding and the commitment to each other. We as tihs try hard on a daily bases to show our hohs how much we love and respect them for all they do. Sometimes we tihs need to feel the same thing with the little things. The little things to me are as followed

 

1. walking up behind and grab me by the waist and just holding me.

 

2. whispering in my ear I love you.

 

3. the lifting my chin to kiss me

 

4. the knowing when I need his loving hands or his voice that makes me melt

 

5. this one is my most favorite when he pulls me down in to his lap and will not let me go cause I need to be held.

 

 

All these tell me bee has me no matter what. No matter how bad I can be he still loves me and always will.

What are some of the little things that make you feel this way?

 

 



I see

Well, the three almost four weeks of not getting in trouble is over.  I knew it would end sooner or later.  Me and bee have be having some low times here lately. We are just not seeing eye to eye.  He has been down about work and it is affecting him here at home.  I have been selfish and not seen this and keep pushing at him. So today I had enough could not take it any more. Let me recap a few days.

Monday
Monday bee had friends coming over for the football game.  I was asked to cook and make the game a good game night for him and his friends. Ok, no big deal I love making him happy.  So, I done all the running and food shopping. Came home cleaned up and cooked for like 12 ppl.  It was crazy but got it done.

Tuesday
We still had some of his friends over. This friend is having a hard time right now and really needs my bee. I am cool with this and will help were ever I can. So, bee and his friends played PlayStation 3 all day.  Now bee work hours do not leave him much time with the kids.  He had promised to play with the kids after school on Tuesday. Well, kids got home and bee was still wrapped up in his friend.  When it came bed time for the kids the boys were sad but understood, better than me, I got mad as hell.

Wednesday
Ok so by now I am still mad over Monday cause I did all that for the game and did not get a thank you or anything.  Still up set about Tuesday and the kids. So, bee is back at work and I am to clean the  house. This is normally ok for me but today I just do not care. So, I text bee to get a little bit of motivation. But, instead of that I get it is ok. I am lost.

Thursday
So by today I am starting to think he dose not want to live this life, he dose not care, or maybe we need more rules and spankings. All these thing are running in my head. A few friends say be more submissive. So, I think how can I be. Bee sees I' m upset and mad and starts questioning me.  I let it all out and start going off. I was respectful at first but then that changed. I was told to set down and did not listen. After I was done throwing my fit. We talked for a few min. He has to go to work now so not much time to talk.  As he get ready to leave he looks at me and says we will be talking about you disobeying me tonight ok so code words for" your ass is mine."  At that min is when it hit me what has been going on for like a month. Not only was I leading though him but I was missing the little things that told me bee had me no matter what.  I think it click with bee too cause he gives me the look that makes me melt and wiggles his finger and I come to him with out another thought. He grabs the back of my neck and kisses me. I start crying so hard I can not talk.  He hold me so tight. He then as calm as he can says in my ear I love you. I he then tells me what he wants done by the time he gets home. So it has not been that we are doing it wrong or not enough rules or anything bad. We just have been missing
THE LITTLE THINGS THAT SAY
I've got you.


 



back to page one

Ok, so we have been having a rough time the last few weeks.  I have almost walked way, but the love I have for my bee is to strong for that.  Were there is a will there is away.  So, I have done some deep soul thinking and this is what I have came up with we are going back to page one.  The whole idea behind this life is to let our men lead right? Well, as much as I want to say I have let go of control I really have not and I know this now.

I have talk to bee and we are going to start all over. I was the one who brought this in our life so I have been the one running the show.  By this I mean I am the one who pushes bee the chat, read, and punish me. I do this by making rules and he just agrees with them cause he is new at this, but it is me who bring them to him.  He has really never has a chance to learn to lead cause I am doing it for him.  The rules we have are things I wanted not thing he wanted and needed from me.  All the ideas are mine. I have never give him time find his feet in this life. I really did think I was helping but all I was doing is making him feel like I did not trust him.

With that being said this is how we are fixing it.

 

Step 1: Start with a slate just like it was day one

Step 2: Let him tell me what he needs and wants from me.

Step 3: KEEP MOUTH SHUT and listen. (duck type plz)

Step 4: Follow the rule and guide lines given and if broken take what punishment is given.

Step 5: TALK, TALK, TALK

 

 

These seem simply enough right? NOT this means I am given up the last bit of control. I knew something was wrong for a while and thought is was bee just not wanting to step up.  No, it has been me pushing him and holding him back. He can and is going to be a better hoh than I ever could have lead him to be. 

Will there still be bumps and hill? Yes.

Will we get though it?  Definitely

How will we get through it? Love.

There are going to be tears of love, joy, pain and punishment ( Oh my)but every drop will be worse it.

 

Thank you to my friends at ADDS for your support.

 

 



Just a quick update

Yes I am still out here lol. It had been crazy this week. My hoh is on day four not smoking. I am getting there a little slower but getting there. I just want to say ty for the support to the one who have been there. Me and bumblebee hit is rough spot but the beauty of it all is we can talk though it. I was moving way to fast for him and he was lost so I will slow down and wait for my bumblebee.  Ok so got to go for now.   Be back soon...

Here is another reason i loveDD

Over the last few days I have been up and down with the way I feel.  I have been I guess kinda depressed. I have felt sad and alone. Unloved and uncared for. This is not cause of things done wrong or cause I have been mistreated. It is cause of life.  We have to work hard at this way of life  just like any relationship. However, in the past when I get to felling like this it last for days even weeks.  I could start fights with my bumblebee and they would last for days a well. We would not talk of even acted like we wanted to be around each other.  This caused a lot of damage to our marriage. Now that we have dd let me tell you how it changed the way we deal with this.  WE TALK, TALK, TALK.  We talk in a clam way tell each other how we feel and find a way to fix it.    Once you have received the love you get form dd you want no other.  As it turns out after we TALKED, I was missing just a few little things that we had been doing and of course his loving hands. Bumblebee spanked me and let me know he still cares and loves me.  The spanking was a great way for an release of all those bed feelings and way to put the past few days behind us and move on.  Once it is behind us it can not be held over our heads looming like a black cloud of ugly.  We held each other for hours and laughed and smiled cause he showed me he still had me not matter what life throws at us.  I showed me that he can carries me when needed and that all his love is mine no matter.  He is great with me. He know what I want and need. I just want to show ppl that just cause you feel off that it dose not mean this life dose not work. It is not a miracle answer. It however it the answer to a lot of unneeded issues in a relationship.  It also make each other reasonable for our action and how they affect the other person and others around them.  It helps build trust and love  responsibility  and faith.  It also lets us be who we are and be loved and gives us the support we need to do any thing in the world.  I have smoked for about ten years now and as of today I have decided I am going to wing myself off of them. I feel I can do this now because I have so much more self control and the confidence to do it.  I will keep you all posted on that over the next few days.

Thinking Back

Well I had to write my punishment report today for my spanking I got last week.  I should have had it done a while back and now I wish I would have.  I was feeling great today until I have to relive my miss ups from that day. I know see why bumblebee got so upset with me.  I never really realize just how bad I was that day until today.  It just proves to me who much he loves me and just how much he can put up with. My heart is sad cause of what all I did to this man the gives me the world.  He works hard, he is a great dad, an amazing husband, and the Love of My Life.  How could I be so mean to this person who cares so much? I guess we really do not know what we have till we stop and think with a clear head and see what we have truly done.  I am so great full I have this man. That he is all mine and he cares for enough to stop my behavior when needed, holds me when needed, makes me smile and laugh all the time. That he can for give me after so many hash words said. Yes all that is done after he has give me a spanking but I know in the end it is well wroth it. I feel loved, forgiven, cared for, and most of all the center of his world.  I love you bumblebee with all my heart.

 

This I hope lets who every reads this see that DD is a great way to live. I will help no matter what. It is hard work but every relationship  is if you really want it to work this is not different. There are ups and down and second thoughts but the out come of a true DD live is greater than any love I have ever seem of felt. It is not controlling when you want to give the love of your life the world.  What more is there to give than yourself totally. Well I am going to close for now be back soon.



when it rains it pours.

Hi again,
    Well yesterday was just great.  Not really when it rains it pours. First bumblebee went to take care of some business. I had asked him to call to make sure it could be done, but instead he drives all the way up there to find out it could not be done.  So,when he calls to let me know I snapped at him. A big no no in our house. It is a sign of disrespect. While this was going on my laptop went down for good. It locked me out of everything almost. I had work with that thing for hours. Kids were going nuts and the heat oh my lord it was so hot.  All this together drove me over broad yesterday. We also got news that a really good friend of bumblebee`s had passed away. So it was not a good day at all.
 There were many rules broke. I just knew this butterfly would be having troubles sitting today. So as we went in to our nightly talk I was a little worried.  We sat down and bumblebee says to get our folder.   Our folder has all our dd stuff broke down in it. It was our rules, my punishment reports, and all our research we have done. He starts going though our rules one by one telling me what each one means to him and why it is so important to him. After he was done I had to do the same thing.  Now I know why if I brake a rules how he truly feels.
 As I am sitting here writing this blog, I have a whole new look on our rules. My bumblebee knew just what I needed last night. It was not to be spanked but a reminder of how much we need and want this life. He knew just how to snap me out of a place that is not so submissive. This just proves to me and my reader,I hope, that dd dose work and is a new deeper kind of love.

my bonds to u

To my bumblebee,
 I am writing this on my blog for the world to know just how much you mean to me. Also to let everyone know just what it is I plan to do to for you. This way u are not the only one to hold me accountable but also all my friends that follow this blog. I love you with all my heart.

My Mission in Life.

I butterfly want to give you all the thing you need. I want to stand behind you let you lead. I will trust you dicsion and respect them. I will be submissive and allow you to show me a new deeper love. I will allow you to take care of me. I will show u everday just how much I love you and need you. I will remember everyday that we are both human and will make mistakes.  I am given you permission to correct my behavior when needed. I am putting my heart, my love, my trust, my everything in your hands to hold, love, and lead. I need you to be my rock my safe place. I will be your lover, your wife, the mother to our kids, I will also be your rock when needed. But most of all I always will be your butterfly. 

Ps. Bumblebee I love yoy so much. I love the way dd had changed so many things about me.  You are my world so I wanted the world to know. I am in no way a shamed of our life choices. I thought the day we married it was the best day of my life. I have now come to relize that day, was the day you said yes to me on dd. There is so much more love and understanding words can not even touch. I love you bumblebee.

                                                                                                 Love you

                                                                                                    your pretty little butterfly

Want to give a thanks

I want to give a thanks to all my friends and my bumblebee for pushing me to start this blog.  It will come slow and hope to get better with each post.  As of right now I am just learning so a lot of my post for now will be like a journal but as time goes on I will get the feel for it and start with topic and so on.  I love to discuss things on my mind and see others point of views.  This life is about learning and growing. No one learns and grows the same as another.  I would like to say thanks to my friends on ADDS.  You all have been so great.  I know I have not been there very long but it has been so great.  Your all have helped me and bumblebee grow so much in a short amount of time. This quote is for you all on ADDS

"It is all about us as a family"

It is great having a family like this one on ADDS. 

" sometimes friendship is stronger than kinship"