Thursday, September 12, 2013

back to page one

Ok, so we have been having a rough time the last few weeks.  I have almost walked way, but the love I have for my bee is to strong for that.  Were there is a will there is away.  So, I have done some deep soul thinking and this is what I have came up with we are going back to page one.  The whole idea behind this life is to let our men lead right? Well, as much as I want to say I have let go of control I really have not and I know this now.
I have talk to bee and we are going to start all over. I was the one who brought this in our life so I have been the one running the show.  By this I mean I am the one who pushes bee the chat, read, and punish me. I do this by making rules and he just agrees with them cause he is new at this, but it is me who bring them to him.  He has really never has a chance to learn to lead cause I am doing it for him.  The rules we have are things I wanted not thing he wanted and needed from me.  All the ideas are mine. I have never give him time find his feet in this life. I really did think I was helping but all I was doing is making him feel like I did not trust him.
With that being said this is how we are fixing it.
Step 1: Start with a slate just like it was day one
Step 2: Let him tell me what he needs and wants from me.
Step 3: KEEP MOUTH SHUT and listen. (duck type plz)
Step 4: Follow the rule and guide lines given and if broken take what punishment is given.
These seem simply enough right? NOT this means I am given up the last bit of control. I knew something was wrong for a while and thought is was bee just not wanting to step up.  No, it has been me pushing him and holding him back. He can and is going to be a better hoh than I ever could have lead him to be. 
Will there still be bumps and hill? Yes.
Will we get though it?  Definitely
How will we get through it? Love.
There are going to be tears of love, joy, pain and punishment ( Oh my)but every drop will be worse it.
Thank you to my friends at ADDS for your support.


  1. Finding what works for both of you is difficult. I, too, pushed things along for a while, until Jason really embraced his leadership role. It's hard.

    You guys are doing great!

    1. thank you Jason Girl it is nice having ppl get it and it helps having friends like you.

  2. It's a trust thing I think. We each have our own concept of what "control" should be and how it should be applied, but until we learn to trust enough (and this takes time...) to give up our control of their control and stop trying to "help" them by stopping the car and snatching back the driver's seat every time they get it 'wrong', we aren't going to get much further down the road.


  3. Hi, saw your blog over on Bottom Smarts. Welcome to the blogging community. Here's wishing you a happy and fulfilling blogging life, and that your journey with HOH brings you both contentment.