Thursday, September 19, 2013

I see

Well, the three almost four weeks of not getting in trouble is over.  I knew it would end sooner or later.  Me and bee have be having some low times here lately. We are just not seeing eye to eye.  He has been down about work and it is affecting him here at home.  I have been selfish and not seen this and keep pushing at him. So today I had enough could not take it any more. Let me recap a few days.

Monday bee had friends coming over for the football game.  I was asked to cook and make the game a good game night for him and his friends. Ok, no big deal I love making him happy.  So, I done all the running and food shopping. Came home cleaned up and cooked for like 12 ppl.  It was crazy but got it done.

We still had some of his friends over. This friend is having a hard time right now and really needs my bee. I am cool with this and will help were ever I can. So, bee and his friends played PlayStation 3 all day.  Now bee work hours do not leave him much time with the kids.  He had promised to play with the kids after school on Tuesday. Well, kids got home and bee was still wrapped up in his friend.  When it came bed time for the kids the boys were sad but understood, better than me, I got mad as hell.

Ok so by now I am still mad over Monday cause I did all that for the game and did not get a thank you or anything.  Still up set about Tuesday and the kids. So, bee is back at work and I am to clean the  house. This is normally ok for me but today I just do not care. So, I text bee to get a little bit of motivation. But, instead of that I get it is ok. I am lost.

So by today I am starting to think he dose not want to live this life, he dose not care, or maybe we need more rules and spankings. All these thing are running in my head. A few friends say be more submissive. So, I think how can I be. Bee sees I' m upset and mad and starts questioning me.  I let it all out and start going off. I was respectful at first but then that changed. I was told to set down and did not listen. After I was done throwing my fit. We talked for a few min. He has to go to work now so not much time to talk.  As he get ready to leave he looks at me and says we will be talking about you disobeying me tonight ok so code words for" your ass is mine."  At that min is when it hit me what has been going on for like a month. Not only was I leading though him but I was missing the little things that told me bee had me no matter what.  I think it click with bee too cause he gives me the look that makes me melt and wiggles his finger and I come to him with out another thought. He grabs the back of my neck and kisses me. I start crying so hard I can not talk.  He hold me so tight. He then as calm as he can says in my ear I love you. I he then tells me what he wants done by the time he gets home. So it has not been that we are doing it wrong or not enough rules or anything bad. We just have been missing
I've got you.


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