I see

Well, the three almost four weeks of not getting in trouble is over.  I knew it would end sooner or later.  Me and bee have be having some low times here lately. We are just not seeing eye to eye.  He has been down about work and it is affecting him here at home.  I have been selfish and not seen this and keep pushing at him. So today I had enough could not take it any more. Let me recap a few days.

Monday
Monday bee had friends coming over for the football game.  I was asked to cook and make the game a good game night for him and his friends. Ok, no big deal I love making him happy.  So, I done all the running and food shopping. Came home cleaned up and cooked for like 12 ppl.  It was crazy but got it done.

Tuesday
We still had some of his friends over. This friend is having a hard time right now and really needs my bee. I am cool with this and will help were ever I can. So, bee and his friends played PlayStation 3 all day.  Now bee work hours do not leave him much time with the kids.  He had promised to play with the kids after school on Tuesday. Well, kids got home and bee was still wrapped up in his friend.  When it came bed time for the kids the boys were sad but understood, better than me, I got mad as hell.

Wednesday
Ok so by now I am still mad over Monday cause I did all that for the game and did not get a thank you or anything.  Still up set about Tuesday and the kids. So, bee is back at work and I am to clean the  house. This is normally ok for me but today I just do not care. So, I text bee to get a little bit of motivation. But, instead of that I get it is ok. I am lost.

Thursday
So by today I am starting to think he dose not want to live this life, he dose not care, or maybe we need more rules and spankings. All these thing are running in my head. A few friends say be more submissive. So, I think how can I be. Bee sees I' m upset and mad and starts questioning me.  I let it all out and start going off. I was respectful at first but then that changed. I was told to set down and did not listen. After I was done throwing my fit. We talked for a few min. He has to go to work now so not much time to talk.  As he get ready to leave he looks at me and says we will be talking about you disobeying me tonight ok so code words for" your ass is mine."  At that min is when it hit me what has been going on for like a month. Not only was I leading though him but I was missing the little things that told me bee had me no matter what.  I think it click with bee too cause he gives me the look that makes me melt and wiggles his finger and I come to him with out another thought. He grabs the back of my neck and kisses me. I start crying so hard I can not talk.  He hold me so tight. He then as calm as he can says in my ear I love you. I he then tells me what he wants done by the time he gets home. So it has not been that we are doing it wrong or not enough rules or anything bad. We just have been missing
THE LITTLE THINGS THAT SAY
I've got you.


 



back to page one

Ok, so we have been having a rough time the last few weeks.  I have almost walked way, but the love I have for my bee is to strong for that.  Were there is a will there is away.  So, I have done some deep soul thinking and this is what I have came up with we are going back to page one.  The whole idea behind this life is to let our men lead right? Well, as much as I want to say I have let go of control I really have not and I know this now.

I have talk to bee and we are going to start all over. I was the one who brought this in our life so I have been the one running the show.  By this I mean I am the one who pushes bee the chat, read, and punish me. I do this by making rules and he just agrees with them cause he is new at this, but it is me who bring them to him.  He has really never has a chance to learn to lead cause I am doing it for him.  The rules we have are things I wanted not thing he wanted and needed from me.  All the ideas are mine. I have never give him time find his feet in this life. I really did think I was helping but all I was doing is making him feel like I did not trust him.

With that being said this is how we are fixing it.

 

Step 1: Start with a slate just like it was day one

Step 2: Let him tell me what he needs and wants from me.

Step 3: KEEP MOUTH SHUT and listen. (duck type plz)

Step 4: Follow the rule and guide lines given and if broken take what punishment is given.

Step 5: TALK, TALK, TALK

 

 

These seem simply enough right? NOT this means I am given up the last bit of control. I knew something was wrong for a while and thought is was bee just not wanting to step up.  No, it has been me pushing him and holding him back. He can and is going to be a better hoh than I ever could have lead him to be. 

Will there still be bumps and hill? Yes.

Will we get though it?  Definitely

How will we get through it? Love.

There are going to be tears of love, joy, pain and punishment ( Oh my)but every drop will be worse it.

 

Thank you to my friends at ADDS for your support.

 

 



Just a quick update

Yes I am still out here lol. It had been crazy this week. My hoh is on day four not smoking. I am getting there a little slower but getting there. I just want to say ty for the support to the one who have been there. Me and bumblebee hit is rough spot but the beauty of it all is we can talk though it. I was moving way to fast for him and he was lost so I will slow down and wait for my bumblebee.  Ok so got to go for now.   Be back soon...

Here is another reason i loveDD

Over the last few days I have been up and down with the way I feel.  I have been I guess kinda depressed. I have felt sad and alone. Unloved and uncared for. This is not cause of things done wrong or cause I have been mistreated. It is cause of life.  We have to work hard at this way of life  just like any relationship. However, in the past when I get to felling like this it last for days even weeks.  I could start fights with my bumblebee and they would last for days a well. We would not talk of even acted like we wanted to be around each other.  This caused a lot of damage to our marriage. Now that we have dd let me tell you how it changed the way we deal with this.  WE TALK, TALK, TALK.  We talk in a clam way tell each other how we feel and find a way to fix it.    Once you have received the love you get form dd you want no other.  As it turns out after we TALKED, I was missing just a few little things that we had been doing and of course his loving hands. Bumblebee spanked me and let me know he still cares and loves me.  The spanking was a great way for an release of all those bed feelings and way to put the past few days behind us and move on.  Once it is behind us it can not be held over our heads looming like a black cloud of ugly.  We held each other for hours and laughed and smiled cause he showed me he still had me not matter what life throws at us.  I showed me that he can carries me when needed and that all his love is mine no matter.  He is great with me. He know what I want and need. I just want to show ppl that just cause you feel off that it dose not mean this life dose not work. It is not a miracle answer. It however it the answer to a lot of unneeded issues in a relationship.  It also make each other reasonable for our action and how they affect the other person and others around them.  It helps build trust and love  responsibility  and faith.  It also lets us be who we are and be loved and gives us the support we need to do any thing in the world.  I have smoked for about ten years now and as of today I have decided I am going to wing myself off of them. I feel I can do this now because I have so much more self control and the confidence to do it.  I will keep you all posted on that over the next few days.

Thinking Back

Well I had to write my punishment report today for my spanking I got last week.  I should have had it done a while back and now I wish I would have.  I was feeling great today until I have to relive my miss ups from that day. I know see why bumblebee got so upset with me.  I never really realize just how bad I was that day until today.  It just proves to me who much he loves me and just how much he can put up with. My heart is sad cause of what all I did to this man the gives me the world.  He works hard, he is a great dad, an amazing husband, and the Love of My Life.  How could I be so mean to this person who cares so much? I guess we really do not know what we have till we stop and think with a clear head and see what we have truly done.  I am so great full I have this man. That he is all mine and he cares for enough to stop my behavior when needed, holds me when needed, makes me smile and laugh all the time. That he can for give me after so many hash words said. Yes all that is done after he has give me a spanking but I know in the end it is well wroth it. I feel loved, forgiven, cared for, and most of all the center of his world.  I love you bumblebee with all my heart.

 

This I hope lets who every reads this see that DD is a great way to live. I will help no matter what. It is hard work but every relationship  is if you really want it to work this is not different. There are ups and down and second thoughts but the out come of a true DD live is greater than any love I have ever seem of felt. It is not controlling when you want to give the love of your life the world.  What more is there to give than yourself totally. Well I am going to close for now be back soon.



when it rains it pours.

Hi again,
    Well yesterday was just great.  Not really when it rains it pours. First bumblebee went to take care of some business. I had asked him to call to make sure it could be done, but instead he drives all the way up there to find out it could not be done.  So,when he calls to let me know I snapped at him. A big no no in our house. It is a sign of disrespect. While this was going on my laptop went down for good. It locked me out of everything almost. I had work with that thing for hours. Kids were going nuts and the heat oh my lord it was so hot.  All this together drove me over broad yesterday. We also got news that a really good friend of bumblebee`s had passed away. So it was not a good day at all.
 There were many rules broke. I just knew this butterfly would be having troubles sitting today. So as we went in to our nightly talk I was a little worried.  We sat down and bumblebee says to get our folder.   Our folder has all our dd stuff broke down in it. It was our rules, my punishment reports, and all our research we have done. He starts going though our rules one by one telling me what each one means to him and why it is so important to him. After he was done I had to do the same thing.  Now I know why if I brake a rules how he truly feels.
 As I am sitting here writing this blog, I have a whole new look on our rules. My bumblebee knew just what I needed last night. It was not to be spanked but a reminder of how much we need and want this life. He knew just how to snap me out of a place that is not so submissive. This just proves to me and my reader,I hope, that dd dose work and is a new deeper kind of love.

my bonds to u

To my bumblebee,
 I am writing this on my blog for the world to know just how much you mean to me. Also to let everyone know just what it is I plan to do to for you. This way u are not the only one to hold me accountable but also all my friends that follow this blog. I love you with all my heart.

My Mission in Life.

I butterfly want to give you all the thing you need. I want to stand behind you let you lead. I will trust you dicsion and respect them. I will be submissive and allow you to show me a new deeper love. I will allow you to take care of me. I will show u everday just how much I love you and need you. I will remember everyday that we are both human and will make mistakes.  I am given you permission to correct my behavior when needed. I am putting my heart, my love, my trust, my everything in your hands to hold, love, and lead. I need you to be my rock my safe place. I will be your lover, your wife, the mother to our kids, I will also be your rock when needed. But most of all I always will be your butterfly. 

Ps. Bumblebee I love yoy so much. I love the way dd had changed so many things about me.  You are my world so I wanted the world to know. I am in no way a shamed of our life choices. I thought the day we married it was the best day of my life. I have now come to relize that day, was the day you said yes to me on dd. There is so much more love and understanding words can not even touch. I love you bumblebee.

                                                                                                 Love you

                                                                                                    your pretty little butterfly